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The Struggle of Summer Sabbath

Oh, the struggle of summer sabbath...and the beauty of restlessly learning to be still. Anyone else there, too? The struggle is real. And He seems to lead me into this against-the-grain-of-my-driven-mindset-path, all too often.

But, God is showing me a new thing this season. That it's not about me, and sometimes you just need to be in what is. None of this life truly is about us. But praise Him for His grace, because up until just recently, I thought it was mostly about me, and Him just holding it together for me to do what needed to get done.

He does hold it all together. But it's still not about me.

I'm in a strange, dry-ish season of life. I'm not utterly hopeless, but I'm not extremely panic-y either. I'm merely just anxious to feel alive. Because in my mind, when I don't feel it, It's not the right way. Or not the right time. Or just not right. That's how I've lived most of my life. And when I try to go the other way and shut off my feelin…
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Don't Plunder in Panic

28 And Peter answered Him and said, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” 29 So He said, “Come.” And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. 30 But when he saw [e]that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!” 31 And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you oflittle faith, why did you doubt?”32 And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased.  -Matthew 14:28-31

Fear. Worry Anxiety. Aren't these the worst? In Matthew 14, we see the story of Jesus walking on water and Peter stepping out in bold faith. Peter jumps out of the boat as Jesus commands him, but as soon as Peter took his eyes off Jesus, he started to sink - started to see the danger all around him and the pull of darkness. All it took was a small shift of focus to cause a plunder of panic. Why is this so easy for us to do? To divert our attention and focus on the stru…

The Heart is the Endgame

Everything earthly is relative. Relatively subject to another cause.

Except for God.

He dominates all things, including all living beings. He has the final say, and He desires us to continually give up our all for Him. Always.

I tend to let my heart lead me in many situations. Thankfully, this is something I am aware of, but that doesn't make it any easier. Living by the leading of your heart all the time is destructive, but not letting your heart lead at all is seriously unhealthy. There needs to be a balance. Not a perfect balance, but rather a desire, an active intent for balance in being yourself, yet having boundaries. This type of strength and discernment only comes from one Being: God.

Only God, through Jesus, by power of the Holy Spirit, can give us the power to let go of anger, frustration, worry and fear. Only He can propel us forward to make the right decision. Only He can give us the strength to see good. Only He can enlighten our hearts to see the impossible, and ste…

How God Transformed Our Marriage

Marriage is hard. But it can also be pretty beautiful.

18. An age of having fun, experiencing life, learning as much as you can in college, and for me, meeting the love of my life. I was young, energetic, and all about myself. Interestingly, I was not looking for a man to make me happy. But there he was, handsome, tall and a heart for Jesus. And so it went...engaged at 21 and married at 22. My plan was playing out like I wanted, and it was glorious.

You know what's funny? When you make a plan, and God allows it to happen your way.

Sooner than later I found that being 22 and married was no easy thing. But I stayed positive.. And my life was going great.

Until it wasn't.

Before I knew it, I was lying in a hospital bed exhausted and confused. I was doing too much and did not know how to stop. And in this, I started to resent my husband for not helping me slow down.

Lo and behold, we started to fight. More than we ever had. And it was miserable. I began to grow more upset and not…


Matthew 7:7-8
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who ask receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened." All actions that we are called to do, as believers. But, are we called to continually do these things? The word "be" is not used as a result of seeking, but rather of asking and knocking. Why is that?

Jesus always wants us to ask Him for help and knock on doors of opportunity that He has provided for us, but I don't believe He wants us to seek through every situation.

The definition of seeking is "trying to obtain". I don't know about you, but I believe we are only called to do so much "trying" until Jesus has to step in. I've seen it in my own life, more often than not. Therefore, the seeking is limited to certain situations. If we are called to "seek" in the situation, we will find, but if we are…

Slow Down, Girl

Isaiah 52:12 "For you shall not go out with haste,  Nor go by flight;  For the Lord will go before you,  And the God of Israel will be your rear guard."
Did you know that over 36 million Americans report working at least 49 hours a week? And 11 million of those 36 million say that they work more than 59 hours a week on average. (source: ABC News).

Do you ever wonder why you do what you do? Maybe it's when you say something off-key to a family member, manipulate your husband, or stay up too late at night? For me, it's often been overworking and trying to shove too many things in one day. I like to achieve, get things done, and work allows me to do that. Productivity in general really allows me to do that. And when I don't have the chance to be productive, I feel lazy. Anxious. Even worthless.
But, why do we feel this way? We all work so many hours and no one seems to know what a lunch break looks like anymore. Shouldn't we feel accomplished at the end of the day?
I be…

The [Self-Consumed] Doer

I've been self consumed most of my life. Focused on how I look, how I feel, and how I act in front of others.

Although I've devoted daily time putting the Lord first through bible reading, meditating and prayer, I've still felt a sense of unease and worry that I'm not 'doing enough' or being the best I can be. In an effort to change this state of mind, perfection has become an idol.

It's not the detailed nitty-gritty of making sure everything is perfectly placed and cleaned up kind of perfection, but perfection in the sense of doing everything right, all the time, and condemning myself when I've done something wrong. A striving kind-of perfection. And in this, becoming so self consumed to try and pamper myself as much as possible, so I'm not stressed and able to "be enough". Even as I write these words sitting in a beautifully wooded nature area secluded from others, I wonder if I'm in the right place to hear Him speak to me and settl…